Although they can be among the most endearing people you’ll ever meet, narcissists can seriously damage your self-esteem and emotional stability.
Whether you’ve recently ended a relationship with a narcissist or are currently dating one, being in their company unquestionably altered you.
While some of the changes are good, others are not.
Let’s examine the major ways that dating a narcissist alters you.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
To start, it’s crucial to establish the facts about what NPD actually is. Many individuals may label others as “narcissistic” but while the word is being used to describe someone who is self-involved, generally individuals aren’t saying that someone else has NPD, or narcissistic personality disorder, is a complex and serious mental illness.
“According to Dee Johnson, a psychotherapist and senior addiction therapist at Priory Hospital, Chelmsford, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is one of the few recognized personality disorders and is characterized by a person’s overly inflated sense of their own self-belief and importance, grandiose with entitlement, controlling, and potential for making false attachments to people in order to control. They frequently lack empathy out of the blue. NPD sufferers may manipulate others’ emotions and minds, and they frequently seek praise.
Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist
The Hot And Cold Effect
The best night of your life passes, and you recall the reasons you fell in love with him, but the next morning it seems as though you awoke with a different man. He’s being impolite, cold, or silent toward you. The Jekyll and Hyde of real life, is this man? When everything is going well, you can dream of having a happily ever after. However, it never appears to last.
You Start Wondering, “What’s Wrong With Me?”
Because you’ll start focusing on yourself and start to wonder if it’s you instead of him, dating a narcissist alters you. Trust me; it’s him.
He will gaslight you to the point where you begin to question whether you are really to blame for his rage, his outbursts, and the way he treats you.
He Is The Top Priority In Your Life (At All Costs)
It’s one thing to fall in love with someone and wants to look after them and make them happy; it’s quite another to feel as though his happiness and well-being come at the expense of your own. Something is wrong if you’re consistently putting your needs and wants behind his.
You Are Walking On Eggshells
You overthink everything because of how easily he loses his temper and because you can never predict his mood. You speak and act more carefully out of concern for his response. You want harmony and a healthy relationship, but you constantly worry about another explosion because you want everything to be peaceful.
Your Success Is Too Much For Him To Handle
Jealousy is a natural instinct in narcissists. Don’t be surprised if he can’t handle it if you get a promotion at work, have success in your business, or have a great social life. He may say something ironic to you or accuse you of being overconfident in an effort to bring you back down to his level. Maybe he’ll counter by saying, “I’m only joking,” but the damage is done. Sometimes he’ll try to steal your spotlight by casting a shadow over your accomplishments with his own.
Traits That Were Praised Are Twisted Into Negatives
Think back to when you first started dating this guy and all the things he said he liked about you.
He may have previously expressed his admiration for your ambition, but now he may be accusing you of being a workaholic with no social life. Perhaps he once told you that he loved your sense of style, but now he frequently criticizes your garb for being tacky or stupid.
All the things he said he loved about you will eventually be turned into flaws.
Everything Is About Them
He desires to have your undivided attention at all times and to be your entire existence. Therefore, he will attempt to ruin any happiness, love, or attention you may find elsewhere. He becomes irritable the day of your birthday party, and you end up spending the entire day worrying about him rather than spending it with your loved ones. Or perhaps you’re preparing for a big presentation you’re giving the following day at work when he decides to start a fight.
How Dating A Narcissist Changes You Worse
You Lose Your Sense Of Identity
Dating a narcissist can lead to some significant changes, one of which is this. It’s possible that you’ll begin to see yourself as their little toy.
They have a way of putting you in the mindset that you are lucky to be with them and that no one else would put up with you.
Additionally, a narcissist enjoys dominating the relationship and having their partner submit to them.
Your sense of self-worth is damaged as a result of losing sight of who you truly are.
In an effort to maintain their attraction to you, you might also begin to behave more narcissistically. You’ll put forth a lot of effort to win their favor and establish a positive impression of you.
In order to elevate themselves, the narcissist will make you feel insignificant and small.
In fact, narcissists frequently treat people in a childlike manner because they are projecting their own emotions onto them.
You End Up Enabling And Defending Abuse
Here’s the ugly truth:
When you date a narcissist, they will mistreat you psychologically, emotionally, and possibly even physically.
When others inquire about the abuse, you might find yourself defending it or finding reasons to justify their actions. This is due to the fact that abuse victims frequently defend their abusers as a coping mechanism.
You might even take responsibility for their unruly behavior. It’s common in relationships with narcissists to victim-blame one another.
You may think to yourself, “With someone else, they wouldn’t be behaving in this manner.” Or “To receive this treatment, I must have done something wrong.”
You Become Anxious
When a narcissist is involved, everything becomes about them, and you are expected to support their goals and aspirations. They are quick to point the finger at you when something doesn’t go as planned.
But that raises the question:
Why does love so frequently start out wonderful before turning into a nightmare?
And what can one do if they are in an abusive relationship?
Your interaction with yourself holds the key to the solution.
This is something that the renowned shaman Rudy Iand told me about. I learned from him how to become truly empowered by seeing through the lies we tell ourselves about love.
Love isn’t what most of us think it is, as Rud explains in this mind-blowing free video. In fact, a lot of us unknowingly sabotage our romantic lives.
We need to face the facts about the person we’re dating:
We have a tendency to set up unrealistic expectations by chasing after people who represent our idealized idea.
Far too often we fall into codependent roles of savior and victim to try to “fix” our partner, only to end up in a miserable, bitter routine.
We are far too often uneasy with ourselves, and this spills over into toxic relationships that turn into hell on earth.
My viewpoint has completely changed as a result of Rud’s lessons.
I had the impression while watching that someone finally understood my struggles to find love and had given me a real, workable explanation for why I was dating a narcissist.
You need to hear this message if you’re fed up with disappointing dates, meaningless hookups, trying relationships, and repeatedly having your hopes dashed.
You Feel Helpless
You start to feel both helpless and hopeless as a result of the way you’ve been treated.
Because you’ve been brainwashed into believing there is no one else out there for you and that no one will want you, you might not be able to see a way out of the relationship.
The more time you spend with your partner, the more they will distance you from friends and family, which will make it more difficult for you to seek assistance.
You May Have Trouble Developing New Relationships
You might find it challenging to form new relationships after being with a narcissist, both romantic and platonic.
What began as something wonderful and quickly devolved into a nightmare—so what if it happens again? What if someone who seems like the sweetest person in the world turns out to be a monster?
In conclusion, I don’t blame you for being terrified of running into another narcissist.
You Become Isolated
People who date narcissists frequently experience social isolation from their friends and family.
This is so that they can prevent you from seeing anyone else because narcissists are jealous and possessive and will go to great lengths to do so.
They need to make sure you don’t talk about them or to anyone else but them, and they don’t want you to talk to anyone else but them. They’ll therefore employ a variety of strategies to keep you apart from your friends and family.
You Become Insecure
Making their partners feel inadequate is one-way narcissists abuse their partners.
Your sense of self-worth will begin to waver.
You’ll believe that nothing you do is worthy of you.
You’ll experience self-doubt regarding your appearance, manner of speech, and even your way of thinking.
You’ll keep looking for their approval and acceptance even though they frequently treat you badly.
What is the best way for you to get over your insecurity? The best strategy is to use your own power.
We all possess a tremendous amount of power and potential, but the majority of us never use it. We get stuck in limiting beliefs and self-doubt. We stop engaging in activities that truly make us happy.
I picked this up from the shaman Rud’aacute; Iand’ecirc. In order to open the door to their personal power, he has assisted thousands of people in balancing their relationships with loved ones, their families, their spirituality, and their work.
His approach is distinctive because it combines time-honored shamanic practices with contemporary ones. It’s a strategy that relies solely on your inner strength; there are no gimmicks or false claims of empowerment.
Since internal empowerment is necessary for true empowerment,
Rud’s excellent free video shows you how to more easily than you might imagine live the life of your dreams and make your partners more attractive.
Therefore, you should read his life-changing advice if you’re sick of living in frustration, dreaming but never accomplishing, and living in self-doubt.
You Have Trust Issues
You might find it difficult to trust people because you were with a narcissist.
Think about it:
You didn’t understand how you failed to recognize the narcissist for the person they truly were because you believed you were a good judge of character.
You have trust issues because someone you trusted used manipulation, shame, and abuse against you.
You Develop Self-esteem Issues
Dating a narcissist may lower your self-esteem in addition to the trust issues mentioned earlier.
Your performance, appearance, and intelligence will all be regularly criticized by the narcissist. They will decry your shortcomings and claim that you will never amount to anything.
You’ll start to believe them, which will cause you to lose confidence in yourself.
Your idealized self-image is destroyed, and you start to perceive yourself as having more flaws than you actually do.
Additionally, you’ll begin to doubt your skills and yourself. Even problems with drugs, alcohol, and eating disorders could arise.
In other words, being with a narcissist may have an impact on every aspect of your life.
You Blame Yourself For Everything
You do realize that all of the abuse you’ve experienced is your fault?
You are sloppy, lazy, and so forth. You hold yourself accountable for missing the warning signs of change. Right, you ought to have known better.
The problem with dating a narcissist is that you’ll tend to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, from the narcissist’s displeasure to the way they treat you, believing that you deserve it.
You Feel Small And Insignificant
You will feel small and unimportant after dating a narcissist.
You might feel as though no one would miss you if you suddenly vanished from the face of the earth.
It makes sense that you would feel this way if someone was constantly making fun of you and treating you like a fool. But keep in mind that you are not insignificant or small; you matter, and there are people who care about you.
Whatever your heart desires, you can achieve. You have the power to alter the course of history.
You Become Conflict-avoidant
To avoid an argument or any other kind of conflict, you might discover that you find yourself acquiescing frequently.
You’re hesitant to say or do anything that might incite a fight because you don’t want to deal with the narcissist’s drama or risk offending him.
You’re denying yourself a voice, which is ultimately bad for you. It is crucial for your mental health that you are assertive, and you should even be confrontational when necessary.
You Become Clingy
Having said that, I’ve found that you also fear being alone in addition to conflict.
Because you’ve been isolated and controlled by the narcissist, you may be afraid to cut the cord and move on. You think nobody else will “love” you or want to be with you.
You can’t stand being apart from them for too long, and you don’t want to be alone.
Without your partner, you feel lost because you rely on them for all of your emotional needs.
You Become Subservient
The more time you spend with your partner, the more they’ll try to manipulate you and turn you into their little puppet.
You’ll lose the power to speak up for yourself and make decisions on your own.
Additionally, you’ll be persuaded to do things that you don’t want to do or that you think are wrong.
It’s possible that you start to compromise yourself and your own beliefs as well as start losing your morals and values.
You Develop PTSD
You might experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after being in a relationship with a narcissist.
You might experience excruciating nightmares, flashbacks, or even start to dissociate.
It’s not surprising that you experience these post-traumatic symptoms if you’ve been dealing with a narcissist for a long time.
You’ve experienced a great deal of mental, emotional, and possibly physical abuse. It makes sense that you’d feel traumatized as a result.
Though it might take some time, PTSD is treatable. It’s crucial to be kind to yourself and seek professional help.
You May Become Depressed
Because of the trauma and abuse, you experienced while dating a narcissist, you might experience depression.
You might struggle to get out of bed in the morning and feel depressed about life.
You might experience severe depression and think about taking your own life. Find support as soon as possible, whether it comes from friends, family, or a therapist.
You May Become Paranoid
You might begin to think that the narcissist will reenter your life.
As you begin to experience hallucinations, you might begin to see them everywhere you go and believe that they are following you. You’ll believe they are after you and intend to harm you.
The people around you might even start to make you doubt them, and you might start to think that everyone has a hidden agenda.
How Dating A Narcissist Changes You Better
You Become Stronger!
It may seem pretty bleak from the list above, but there is some good news: dating a narcissist can actually help you become more resilient and strong.
You’ll discover that the experience will help you grow.
You’ll establish sound boundaries, have confidence in your gut, and be able to spot unhealthy relationships early on.
You won’t date another narcissist because you’ll be aware of what to look for in a partner.
While dating a narcissist has put you through a lot, there is still hope for you if you are working on healing from that experience.
You Learn To Cope With Grief
Because narcissists can be physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive, relationships with them can be challenging. Your self-esteem will be gradually eroded until it is almost nonexistent.
You’ll experience a lot of loss when you’re with a narcissist, including loss of identity, self-worth, trust, and even hope.
As a result, you’ll leave the relationship knowing how to handle grief. All of these things are necessary to emerge from the relationship stronger.
You Get Better At Spotting Red Flags
Here’s another benefit of dating a narcissist.
When you start dating other people, you’ll be aware of what to watch out for; you’ll be checking to see if they’re a narcissist or something similar.
You’ll have the ability to recognize small errors and manipulation when it occurs.
And that’s not all:
Additionally, you’ll be more conscious of the actions and attitudes of the people in your social circle.
You Develop A Closer Relationship With Your Friends And Family
You’ll finally emerge from isolation after ending your relationship with the narcissist and seek out the support of your friends and family.
Although it might not be simple at first, you’ll eventually understand that your family and friends are there for you no matter what and that you can rely on them for anything.
In the end, you’ll grow an even stronger bond with them than you did with the narcissist.
You Become More Compassionate
Realizing that everyone is flawed in some way is one of the effects of dating a narcissist.
You’ll have greater empathy for other people and a better understanding of their potential struggles.
You Learn To Say “No” (Stand Your Ground)
At the beginning of your relationship with a narcissist, you might be submissive, but by the end, you’ll be fed up.
You’ll be tired of saying “yes” to everything and being treated like a second-rate citizen.
You’ll be able to say “no” and you’ll know how to stand your ground and assert yourself.
You Become A Pro At Setting Boundaries
You will finally master the art of setting boundaries once you date a narcissist.
Now, it’s possible that your lack of boundaries in the past contributed to your relationship with a narcissist and your willingness to let them abuse you.
Saying “no,” “setting boundaries,” and “standing up for yourself” will all improve. You won’t require other people’s validation or approval because you’ll be more at ease in your own skin.
You Learn To Love And Respect Yourself
Finally, and most importantly of all, you’ll be able to respect and love yourself.
You might not have remembered your own value after being in a relationship with a narcissist.
You’ll be able to establish a better rapport with yourself and learn effective coping mechanisms.
Finally, you’ll emerge from it knowing that you deserve to be happy—not feeling it, mind you.
How To Recover After Dating A Narcissist
Reflect On How You Got Into A Narcissistic Relationship
Here’s the thing: You need to comprehend what you did to draw the narcissist in the first place in order to break the pattern and prevent getting involved with another narcissist.
Because the narcissist can be so endearing, it wasn’t your fault. Recognizing your own weaknesses and how the narcissist exploited them will however aid you in moving forward.
To avoid making the same mistakes again in future relationships, you must learn from your past ones; otherwise, you risk falling in love with another narcissist.
Focus On Healing
The truth is that getting over-dating a narcissist is not something you can do overnight. You can’t just erase them from your memory in an instant.
You’ll need to take things one day at a time and concentrate on your recovery and yourself.
Prioritizing your physical and mental well-being is important.
This entails maintaining a healthy weight, consuming plenty of water, sleeping enough, engaging in exercise, and spending more time outside.
It also entails treating yourself nicely and having patience as your body heals.
Work With A Therapist
One of the best ways to deal with being in a relationship with a narcissist is to seek counseling.
Talk therapy is a very effective remedy for getting over-dating a narcissist. With someone who won’t judge you and who can offer support and empathy, you’ll be able to talk about everything that has happened.
The damage the narcissist has done to you and how to heal will be explained to you by your therapist, I promise. They’ll be able to provide you with the solace and direction you require.
Make Time For Yourself
It’s important to carve out time for yourself during this difficult time.
To avoid suppressing and hiding your emotions, you’ll need time to think, cry, and grieve.
When things are difficult, we frequently suppress our emotions, but doing so only makes matters worse because it prevents us from dealing with the pain.
So, find a way to make time for yourself in your life, whether it be by taking a bubble bath or taking a stroll through the park.
Think Positively And Believe In Yourself
You must regain your positive outlook. This will enable you to emerge from the gloom that the narcissist has brought into your life.
Instead of constantly doubting yourself, you need to pay attention to all the positive aspects of your life and start believing in yourself again.
It might be beneficial to create some affirmations that you can say to yourself every day.
And what exactly are affirmations?
Affirmations are positive statements that you say to yourself over and over again, which help you to change your perspective and feel better about yourself.
Here are some examples of affirmations that you can use:
- “From this point forward, everything will get better.”
- “I’ve grown stronger and wiser as a result of this learning experience.”
- “People love me because I am awesome.
- “I will get through this”
- “I deserve to be happy”
Start repeating these mantras before bed and in the morning. They’ll assist you in keeping your attention on the good things in life.
Work On Rebuilding Your Confidence
Your self-esteem may currently be extremely low, so you need to work on boosting it.
Start engaging in activities that make you feel good about yourself, such as yoga, volunteering, or being active and social.
Spend more time with the people you care about. Assemble a good-feeling group of friends and family around you.
Remember That You’re Stronger Than You Think
It’s easy to feel weak after being in a relationship with a narcissist.
We feel so small and unimportant in comparison to them, who seem so powerful. But the truth is that you’re stronger than you think.
Narcissists are extremely troubled people with serious issues, but we only give them control over us if we give in to their demands.
Therefore, keep in mind that only you have control over what happens in your life. You’ll succeed after overcoming this.
Can A Narcissist Turn You Into A Narcissist?
Have you suffered any lasting effects from this relationship?
The good news is that narcissism is not contagious and that, with the right support, people can successfully navigate a wide range of emotional challenges.
However, the narcissist relationship cycle is a roller coaster, and it’s uncommon to enter or exit it without changing how you think, feel, and act.
In light of this, today we’re going to look at 13 different ways dating a narcissist can alter you. A few of the changes are beneficial. Others aren’t.
In either case, realizing the possible repercussions of spending any amount of time together with a narcissist can be extremely beneficial to your ability to recover.
Can You Ever Be In A Healthy Relationship With A Narcissist?
Most of the time, no. The majority of narcissistic personality disorder sufferers are unaware of their illness. Even those with insight may not feel compelled to alter their behavior or way of thinking. In a way, their personality aids in their survival.
They see the ideal relationship as one that is based on their terms. Follow their instructions. You meet their requirements and fulfill their expectations. Additionally, you typically have the ability to read people’s emotions and minds without even having to ask!
Naturally, presuming that a healthy relationship is totally unachievable is a presumption. People can and do change. Healing is possible if your partner is committed to improvement and shows an interest in seeking out professional counseling, support networks, and introspection.
Having said that, it’s crucial that you maintain reasonable expectations. Abuse need not be tolerated. Additionally, you don’t need to hold out for things to improve. It’s time to reevaluate your reasons for remaining together if your partner cannot provide for your basic needs of safety, trust, and respect.
Conclusion
If you don’t end the relationship and start the process of healing and rebuilding, dating a narcissist can negatively impact your life for the rest of your life.
Keep in mind that his disorder, not yours, was the cause of all the difficulties you encountered in your relationship. You were never the issue.
Finally, be aware that it is possible to date a decent guy after a narcissist. In this world, there are many great men. Everyone is not a narcissist and not everyone is out to deceive, cheat, or exploit. Do not give up on love, regardless of what transpired in your previous relationships. It’s out there waiting for you to go get it; you deserve to find the stable, devoted relationship of your dreams.