Our subconscious mind is reflected in our shadow self.
It has the potential to take control of your life if left unchecked without your knowledge.
We’ll discuss seven ways to live your best life without being controlled by your shadow self.
What is Your Shadow Self?
The personality trait or traits that you have rejected in the past and don’t want to acknowledge you still possess are contained in your shadow self. It is often referred to as the “dark side” of your personality as it mostly consists of primitive and negative emotions.
That’s not entirely accurate. Your perception of your past ineffectiveness and weaknesses is what you feel the need to deny or hide. These qualities don’t necessarily have to be bad in the real world.
Allow me to explain this with the help of some examples.
The traditional characteristics of your shadow self include rage, ego, anger, laziness, sadness, cruelty, envy, greed, selfishness, and a hunger for power. However, there are some traits that are viewed positively in the public perception that you also find objectionable for personal reasons. Independence, individualism, and emotional receptivity are the best illustrations.
You don’t suddenly lose these aspects of your personality that you have rejected. They stay with you in your unconscious mind even though you try to cast them out, ignore them, and deny that they even exist. Without your knowledge, they continue to have an impact on your beliefs, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors.
How to Deal With Your Shadow Self?
As was previously stated, no matter how much you try, you cannot get rid of your shadow self. Every aspect of your life would continue to be influenced by it as long as it remained with you, concealed in your unconscious mind. So, how do you control your shadow self?
Accepting, recognizing, and making friends with your shadow self is the best way to handle it. It will only get worse for you if you deny its existence. You’ve banished it to the back of your mind but find it there. Acknowledge it and accept it.
7 Ways to Spot Your Shadow Self
Your Tendency to Judge People Brutally
This is a clear example of how your shadow has an impact on your actions. Your ability to judge others is based on your own shortcomings. That very same weakness that you rejected in the past and which later became your shadow.
You only pass judgment on those you believe you have power over. Additionally, it reveals more about you and your insecurities than it does about the judge’s behavior or social standing. You judge others harshly because of your own fears, frailties, and vulnerabilities that cloud your judgment.
You Project Your Issues onto Others
The act of projecting one’s flaws and negative emotions onto another is a form of self-defense. You criticize others for traits you find unappealing in yourself.
The qualities you don’t like about yourself and aren’t proud to have are what you project. The qualities you disown are the ones that make up your shadow. What you portray in other people exposes aspects of your shadow self.
Your Triggers Can Set You Off on a Destructive Path
The triggers you are currently experiencing are left over from a previous traumatic event. You have disowned these aspects of your personality that are now beginning to show as triggers. Knowing your triggers can help you learn more about your shadow self.
You Troll Others on the Social Media Platforms
The internet’s anonymity gives you the confidence to say whatever you want about other people. You continue to act in such a way even though you are fully aware that the words you use will cause harm to others.
Your worst traits surface when there are no consequences. You’ve long since rejected these qualities, which you are ashamed of. You can identify your shadow self by paying attention to how you troll other people.
You Tend to Take It Out on People Who Are Under Your Command
You might not be able to discuss your concerns or express your opinions with those in positions of authority. You are forced to watch these people treat them harshly because you are powerless. All of these grudges gather, and when they are released they are directed at people who are dependent on you.
If you can’t talk to your boss about it at work, you might have to vent to your subordinates. You have to put up with your controlling partner at home, but you can take out your frustration on your kids or even random people.
You Like to Play the Victim
When you have a victim mentality, you tend to
• Blame others for your failure
• Take no responsibility for your actions
• Hold grudges against the entire world
• Cannot trust anyone
• Wallow in self-pity
• Feel weak and helpless
• Fail to set limits
• Always ready for petty arguments
• Lack of confidence makes others take advantage of you
• Miserable existence makes you anxious and depressed
Your entire behavioral pattern is an indication of your shadow self.
Your Failure to Set Boundaries
It reveals a lot about your traumatic past when you fail to set boundaries in your relationships. Your guilt over past errors or failures frequently motivates this behavior. Due to missed opportunities or unfavorable responses you have previously encountered, you might find it difficult to say no.
The Bottom Line: To Recognize Yourself Better
To live in peace, you must reconcile with your shadow self. The healing process can begin once you recognize your shadow. It is known as shadow work.
Shadow work entails facing the shadow, exposing its hidden facets, accepting it, and understanding it. Be careful not to condemn, shame, or judge it.
You will find life to be much simpler and more enjoyable if the shadow self is on your side and working for you rather than against you.